I got the airport 3 hours before my flight through no fault of my own. That’s when my ride could drop me off and I went with it. Being the good American that I am, I checked my baggage and went directly to be stripped and scanned.
I waited in an endless line, telling myself that this is the price we pay to keep the public safe (and reading a book while standing up, of course). When it was my turn, I diligently placed my belongings, including shoes, in a bin and sent it down the conveyor belt, then stepped up to the Jetson-looking X ray machine. Stand on the yellow footprints, hands up, scan… And then I get pulled aside. This is nothing new to me, I am so vanilla looking that I am “randomly” chosen quite often. My theory is that they know they won’t find anything and therefore will have less paperwork at the end of their shift. I can be a simple tally mark and they can go on about their business.
But this time, I was in for a surprise. I was informed that the scan was unable to see if I had anything hidden in my HAIR and they needed to check my HEAD. I know I have thick hair, but this was laughable. It was up in a messy bun because I’m not here to impress you, people, I’m here to get airborne. So a female TSA officer, wearing latex gloves, stood in front of me and gently fondled my head, running her hands through my hair. I had to literally bite my tongue to keep from laughing and the whole time all that ran through my head was “If she makes eye contact, this is officially sexual harassment.” No eye contact was made, although I was left with the feeling that I should tip her.